Gender theory is a new realm of study, and more discoveries are being made all the time, especially in the realm of language. This leads to some terminology being relegated to the annals of history for one reason or another. Let’s talk about a few of these today!

“Transexual”

    There was a time when the words “transgender” and “transexual” were used interchangeably. However, this is no longer the case. The word “transexual” implies that medical transition has taken place (more specifically, “bottom” surgery). Many trans people don’t have dysphoria associated with their genitalia, and still others cannot undergo these surgeries for economic or medical reasons. This makes the term “transexual” exclusive of a large portion of the trans community, so it isn’t really used anymore. We use the term “Transgender” instead, which is much more inclusive.

“Transvestite”

    “Transvestite” may, on its surface, seem similar to “Transgender,” but this couldn’t be further from the truth. A “transvestite” is a cisgender person who choses to dress up in clothing normally reserved for the opposite gender. It’s proximity to the term “transgender” has led to some transphobic ideas suggesting transgender people aren’t actually the gender they identify with, but rather their assigned gender in a costume. This does incredible harm to the transgender community, and so this term is no longer used. “Transvestite” and “cross-dresser” alike also both imply that clothing has a gender, which we now know simply isn’t the case. Anyone can wear anything! 

“NB” as an Abbreviation for “Non-Binary”

    You may have noticed most folks use “Enby” as a shortened term for Non-Binary, but why not just use the letters “NB”? NB is used by the black community to refer to “Non-Black” people. Wanting to amplify the voices of our siblings of color, Non-Binary people choose to use “Enby” instead.

There you have it! We’re constantly learning and coming up with more accurate and inclusive terms for things. Feel free to leave these terms in their respective places from here on out!

 

 

Finn Coy-Gresavage

Marketing Director & Social Media Manager

So the season of love is once again upon us. This time, though, you’re also actively working to de-gender your language. It could be because you’re dating a non-binary person, or just because you want to be a better ally to non-binary people. Regardless of the reason, this non-binary person is here to help you navigate the language of love in a gender-agnostic way. 

For those unfamiliar, the term “gender-agnostic” refers to rejection of things (typically language) that are connected to the traditional gender binary (the outdated, socially conditioned idea that there are two genders and two genders only: male and female). So much of the English language is inherently gendered, and the gender binary is an archaic social construct we just don’t have a need for anymore, and which can actively harm and exclude members of the transgender community. It can be difficult to unlearn all that social programming and find gender-agnostic alternatives to certain words and titles. That’s where I come in! In this blog, I’m going to list some typically-gendered language used in love and relationship contexts and give you, dear reader, gender-agnostic alternatives. 

Titles

Partner

The word “Partner” is one of the most useful gender-agnostic terms when talking about love and relationships. It can take the place of Husband, Wife, Boyfriend or Girlfriend! If you’re of the Polyamorous persuasion, this word can also be pluralized to reference multiple partners!

Spouse

“I now pronounce you, Husband and Wife.” Anyone who’s been to a cisgender, heterosexual marriage ceremony has likely heard that phrase before. Thankfully, the English language already has a gender-agnostic alternative to these terms in the word “Spouse”! 

Datefriend/Datemate

Let’s say you’re talking to or about your special someone and want a term slightly less formal than “Partner” or “Spouse”. The non-binary community developed the words “Datemate” or “Datefriend” expressly for this purpose!  

Person

If the phrase “my partner” isn’t quite right, you can always simply say, “my person.”

This isn’t an exhaustive list by any means. Lover, Significant Other, and many more titles also happen to be gender-agnostic. You may even come up with your own title for one another that’s unique to you! 

 

Terms of Endearment

Now that we’ve covered some titles, let’s do a rapid-fire short list of terms of endearment that are considered gender-agnostic:

-Honey

-Sweetie

-Babe/Baby

-Boo

-Little Nip

(From Reddit user queerandbarelyhere, who said: “[M]y lovely partner calls me his ‘little nip’ – ‘nip’ standing for ‘nothing in particular’ (when he asked me what I’d feel comfortable being labelled as gender-wise in pet names, I said ‘nothing in particular’”.))

As we discussed with titles, this is far from an exhaustive list, and you and your significant other can even come up with your own terms of endearment together!

Consent is Key

The best way to figure out what a non-binary person would prefer to be called is to ask them! The conversation can begin as simply as, “You are very special to me and I’d love to have a way of addressing you that reflects how I feel about you. What complements/titles/pet names do you prefer?” 

Affirmation and validation are the most touching gifts you could give your transgender or non-binary partner this Valentine’s Day. Even if your partner isn’t a member of the trans community, removing outdated, gendered language from your romantic vocabulary is a great way to show allyship to trans people by normalizing gender-agnostic language. 

Now get out there and sweep your partner off their feet! Have a happy and safe Valentine’s Day. 

 

Finn Coy-Gresavage

Marketing Director for We Thr3e Queens Productions